Sunday, June 29, 2008

Bad bad kid!

I hate it when at my age, I'm still being directed what to do with things that I can obviously decide for myself. Grrrr! You can guess by now that I'd had some petty arguement with my parents. But not really an "arguement" since I'm not really the type who argues.

It's Sunday and I know as a Catholic, it's my responsibility to hear mass. But lately I've been missing going to church and it bothers my parents. Just now they FORCED me to go to church. It's not that I'm turning my back on my religion. I love God. I believe in Him. I talk to Him on my most solemn moment and pray from time to time. I do want to go to church, but not when I'm too pre-occupied. It's just that I think it'd be useless for me to hear mass when I'm not really listening. Is it really okay for me to be JUST physically present? Will God condemn me for violating the 3rd commandment? I want to see the hearing of mass as an voluntary act from the heart rather than an obligation.
Anyway, to end my parent's worry, I fixed myself and went off. But as you can see I didn't really go to church. I chose to go to an internet rental shop and vent all my frustration. Sheesh!!!
May God forgive this child of His. Amen.

Saturday, June 28, 2008

The Groupies!

I miss hanging out with my friends that I decided to feature the different groups I hang out with.

The Magic 5

For some reason we are called such. No particular reason. It just so happened that we gave “nicknames” for various factions in the Hospital. There’s a group of doctors called Voltes 5 and there’s another one called Teletubbies. These names are actually meant to ridicule them but I don’t think they’ve ever known. Anyway, in one of our “trips”, we were talking about these groups and we suddenly wondered what our group will be called. Then Ren suddenly blurted MAGIC 5! with a caption “watch your back”.

This is the OLDEST group, and I don’t mean the longest I’ve stayed with, but in terms of age. Unlike the other groups I’m with (which I’ll be discussing later), I’m actually the youngest member in this group. The weird thing about this is we are completely different from one another. I’m into anime, Frances is into clothes, Ren is into antiques, Aris is a gambler and Dindee is always “roaming”. I think the only thing that draws us to one another is our deranged personality hahaha.

But despite differences, I had a lot of fun with Magic 5. We rarely get together now but back then, we were always laughing. Thinking about our days makes me wonder, what were we doing back then?

Being the adult people that they are, this group is FULL of green jokes! Plus I’ve learned a lot of dirty language from them, especially Ren. Despite me being the youngest, I’ve always believe that I’m the most mature. They can be immature in a lot of ways sometimes and they remind me so much of my SIBLINGS!

The Bubbly Group (a.k.a the Cosplayers)…

At least that’s what I want to call this group. I think this is the best description that fits these people hehehe. The members varies from time to time, but the consistent ones are Chris, Nagi, Jam, Lee, and Aish. We all started our love with ANIME and eventually branched out to J-music, J-drama, Games, cosplays and almost anything Japanese. We have considered anicons to be the venue of our reunions. Thanks to this groupie, despite the lame performance of the conventions, I manage to have fun during those events.

This group hast the most COLORFUL and creATive people I’ve ever met. Everyone (excluding myself) has a high sense of fashion and artistry. But one thing I like about them is, other than anime and Japan, they can generate engaging discussions out of anything under the sun and even the moon hehehe. Although most of the time I’m passive, I enjoy just listening to them. I’ve learned a lot of things from this group, be it about anime or reality. Love them!

Birds of the same feather flock together

I can’t think of a good name to fit this group. Genshiken. The nerdy group. The autistic ones. The blue otakus?

I’m talking about social implications not just the typical anime attachments or expertise as what some elitist would claim. If you’ve seen (or read) Densha Otoko then you’ll understand what I mean.

This is the group were I can compare myself with most numbers of similarities. For one thing, everyone in this group is single. Our love life is equivalent to coke… ZERO hehehe. (Ewan ko na lang ngayon ha who knows they might have made some progress hehehe)

We also consider anicons and concerts as a venue for reunion, sometimes this group can merge with the Bubbly Group but even though that’d be the case, I’ve always thought that a barrier exist between the 2 groups.

We lack social skills. We are quiet most of the times we’re together, but even with the presence of silence, we know that we are having fun. Weird huh?

The 3 pork butts?

OMG I had longer hair! I can’t think of a name for this group. But we always sing our own rendition of 3 blind mice and replaced the lyrics with 3 pork butts. It was heavily influenced by Cow and Chicken hahaha.

Sherry and Sri are probably the friends I’ve known the longest. Thanks to them my college days was a blast and remains the best days of my life (so far). I MISS THEM SOOOO MUCH!

They are the very first people who made me realize how wonderful it is to have friends. Back then we were also all about anime and other crazy stuff.

We dream a lot.

We create our own world. Our own language.

We sing a lot.

We made fun of other people (without them knowing of course).

We stole a Geographic magazine from the library.

We collected tons of McDonlads straw (I’m not that earth friendly before) and store them in our locker. Eventually we popped all of them.

We borrow books for the sake of leaving our name in the Library card, every single book that nobody really cares.

We were always at Comic Alley spending our allowances for our dearest anime.

We were always excited whenever we’d discover a new anime shop.

We were excited whenever AXN would do an “Anime Marathon”

We were excited for new anime to be shown on TV.

We hate mushy things.

We love sweets.

Sri brings Skittles and candies. Sherry brings the chocolates (courtesy of her suitors hehehe). I bring Pistachio nuts and Gummy bears.

Every summer, we’re always on the telephone and we never seemed to run out of things to talk about.

The only thing we ever worried was where to eat our lunch or dinner. It seemed like the hardest decision to make.

We were like kids. We never took things so seriously. Everything seemed so simple. My life with them was like an extension of my childhood with so much excitement.

But we have grown up and we rarely see each other anymore. We talk about serious things now. Before we used to dream of going to Japan together. We all wanted to spend a vacation there and do what we’ve seen in anime. When we graduated from college and parted ways, we realized it’s not as easy as we thought. But I would always be thankful meeting them. They are the very first people who accepted me as a FRIEND and the first time I was ever IN a GROUP.


There are other friends I have not mentioned because they are not part of the group. But I miss them as time I'll make another feature for them hehehe

Friday, June 27, 2008

Survey #4: Mulitiple Choice

This one's from April...

1. Elementary, High School or College lyf?

2. Mcdo , Jollibee, KFC?
■ Mcdo

3. Globe, Smart or Sun?
■ I'm a Globe loyalist hehehe

4. SM, Robinosns or Ayala Malls
■ Ayala malls have the best designs

5. Coffee , Milk or Juice in the morning?
■ coffee

6.Friendster, Myspace, Multiply?
■ Friendster for profiles, Multiply for photos

7. Pants, Shorts, Shirts?
■ all

8. On a saturday: go to malls, stay at home, go to the spa, do some sports?
■ home/mall

9. Alternative, RNB, Hip Hop, Rock, Goth, Death Metal or House Music?
■ alternative... (what's house music?)

10. Local brands: Bench, Penshoppe, or Human?
■ none, I have no brand preference

11. Japanese, Italian, Chinese, Filipino , Thai, Vietnamese, American food?
■ Japanese and Filipino

12. Emperador, Red Horse, San Mig?
■ red horse

13. Night or Day?
■ night

14. Math, English, Science?
■ Math is the easiest, Science is the most interesting

15. For opposite sex: Asian, American, Latin?
■ Asian

16. Spring, Summer, Winter, Fall?
■ Spring

17. Kapamilya or Kapuso?
■ none

18. Shopping Spree or Eat all you can?
■ shopping spree!!!

19. Cats or Dogs?
■ dogs

20. Say: I love you or mahal kita?
■ none. I'll just kiss you *muah* =) hehehe

21. Nokia, Sony Ericsson, Samsung or Motorola?
■ Sony Ericsson forever

22. White skin, Beige, or Tanned?
■ Asian pale white hehe

23. Red Ribbon or Goldilocks?
■ Goldilocks

24. Frnds or Lovers?
■ who?

25. MTV or MYX?

26. Touring: European tour, Asian tour, American tour?
■ Asian tour (including JApan!)

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles Personality and Country Compatibility Test

I took this from the TRC Character Guidebook (TRC Fans, get this book at any cost!). This is really cute and fun. Here are my results:

Personality: Fai D. Flowright – The Popular One Who Seems to Have Everything

You’re upbeat and you seem to be able to do everything better than the average person. Everyone around you likes you. But when pressed, people think you’re a little capricious.

Fai is the wizard of snowy land, the Country of Ceres. In order to run from King Ashura, he joined Shaoran’s group to travel from world to world. He includes himself easily in plans and he has a casual, talkative style. But under his quick smile, his true heart sometimes peeks out from where it is hidden. He has made a vow not to use magic when he gave away his markings as his price to travel words. Even in deep trouble, he keeps his vow.

Fai’s famous line: “I have to run away to any number of worlds”

Recommended Country: Country of Jade – A Country of an Old Castle and Forest Where Legends Sleep

You want to travel to a world steeped in legends and old tales, and this is the location for you. But there’s also plenty of books and literature so be sure to enjoy a good mystery.

The country of Jade surrounds one in thick forests with the ground covered in a carpet of snow. Shaoran and the party came to the town of Spirit in this country after hearing rumors that led them to believe that it may have one of Sakura’s feathers (of course). However, because of the cases of disappearing children happening one after another, the people are living in an era of terrible unrest.

Legend: there’s a legend in Spirit of a Golden-haired princess who took the town’s children away. Many of the willagers are convinced that there is some connection with the legend and the present missing children.

Climate: Spirit is located in the cold northern part of the country of Jade. During winter, it’s cold penetrates wight through the bone (ouch!)

Culture: In a snowy country, it’s difficult to grow crops in the best of times and so the people live frugally. The main method of transportation is horse.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

(Painful) Addition to my Wishlist

I was looking at an online shop of toys when something caught my attention. This is actually an old news but I just accidentally learned that Bandai released a new version of the Perfect Grade Wing Zero Custom, the Pearl Mirror Coating Version. When I was looking at the pictures I felt a mixed emotion of happiness and sadness.

I was flowing with happiness because it’s so f*cking gorgeous. Magnificent! I’ve been pre-occupied by it for a week already. It feels like falling in love. The sad part is… it’s so f*ckin’ expensive gaah =’(. Much more expensive than the original version and it really hurts me that I can’t get it now. And this is what you call a one-sided love =’(

But this is just my impulsive nature towards toys or anime stuff. It is my only passion in life after all. I know if I’d just think a little longer, give it more time, I’d realize there are more important things that I can get for $399. The price would go down eventually.

Then again, this feeling at this moment is also important. If I could satisfy this yearning for this TIME… then that is something I can consider as PRICELESS. But this is just my childish wish…

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

The Simplest Wish

So the typhoon Frank hit Region 4 and Metro Manila. With a speed rate of Signal no. 3, what can you expect afterwards? Yes, a power failure. It’s a good thing that it rained all day so I didn’t have to worry about temperature. It was cold. I couldn’t be at all bored since I have a LOT of reading materials. Until the night time came and darkness covered the whole town. We don’t have an emergency fluorescent light so we have to be satisfied with candles and flashlight.

But I can’t! I can’t read at all with the “orange” light. I’m bored!

This is the moment when I forget all the problems. To hell with stress and pressure. I can’t think. I can’t move. I can only lie down and wish…

Oh God… please… LET THERE BE LIGHT….

At around 10:30 PM, the power resumed.


But I got exhausted from boredom and I felt sleepy so I went back to my bed and sleep… and dream… and my day is just starting for real.

Sunday, June 22, 2008

KiD's Toy

I have so many things to do, so many things to finish but when I get hooked to something I tend to forget my responsibilities -sigh-.

I'm currently addicted to Kodomo no Omocha by Obana Miho. It's a shoujo manga. Kurata Sana is a child star who wants a normal life at school. Things are not as easy as they seem. The delinquent Hayama Akito is a hindrance to Sana's ideals. He leads a group who terrorize the class which made it hard for the teacher to conduct a class. And so the dream of a "normal"school life shattered in Akito's hands. But Sana is not your typical weak school girl. She decided to stop Akito at any cost. In the pursuit to stop him, Sana discovered a lot of things about Akito which made her want to change him, which resulted into, uhm well you know... Sounds like your typical school drama but this series really hooked me. It's funny, endearing and cute cute cute! I love it! It reminds me of Furuba and CCS minus the magic and curse.

I learned the perils of childrent wanting to grow up, acting like adults but still the fact remains that they are just kids. Like most shoujo manga, it tackles friendship, love, dreams, perseverance and responsiblities. These kids have a great sense of responsibility...

Responsibility Kid!

Ack >.<

Saturday, June 21, 2008

Happy 159th Birthday Kenshin!

Kanpai to the greatest anime hero ever created! Today I decided to feature some of Kenshin’s lines that really moved me. I got them from the manga version. Here they are:

Now I will deliver Tenchu (NOTE: yes it did move me!)

As long as I can remember what human warmth feels like

I didn’t mean to deceive you, but, it’s just something that I don’t want to talk about

It’s an important swordman’s nature to know his own strength as well as his opponent’s

Watch me from the depths of hell I say… If deep within I’m a hitokiri, I will control myself to the end

Both the Ishin and Bakufu Samurai were forced to fight for their own beliefs. However it was not a war about who was right, but a war about what was best for our country

Someone I parted with in Tokyo said the something like that to me. But I never expected to hear those words in Kyoto

I can’t die! There’s no reason for me to die here. Someone is still waiting for me to come back. Nothing is stronger than the will to live

Which side was right is up to the future generations. What we can do is believe what we know ourselves to be true… and fight for it

Life is many things… A journey but not a separation, a beginning not an end. It’s disheartening but that’s the way things are

On that cold, cold day, two feelings were frozen – grief and hatred. And after 15 years, the frozen feelings start moving under one smile

Okay there has to be more but I can’t seem to find my old files hehehe… Did these words touch your heart? They will if you read the manga. (“,x)

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

7th Toycon 2008

So I went to the Toycon and now comes the hardest part – my report! NOT!

I’m a little lazy but I have a responsibility to my journal –sigh-

I didn’t stay very long and I wasn’t able to take a lot pics. It was time-constrained, I need to go by 5 PM. I was able to meet with old friends and it felt nostalgic to see them again. I didn’t watch the cosplay catwalk, I was busy shopping. Sadly I didn’t get any toys, just magazine and manga. As always, I didn’t finish the event. I didn’t even get a chance to say goodbye to my friends, I was really in a hurry. I can only say this much… I feel like I’ve been numbed by previous conventions so I don’t think there’s a point extorting what I think about it. But of course, you can expect me to be present by next year hehehe…

And here’s my coverage of the 7th Toycon.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Freudian test

Freudian Inventory Results
Oral (63%) you appear to be overly passive and dependent, wanting things to be given to you instead of working for them.
Anal (43%) you appear to have a good balance of self control and spontaneity, order and chaos, variety and selectivity.
Phallic (16%) you appear to have negative issues regarding sexuality and/or have an uncertain sexual identity.
Latency (66%) you appear to be afraid or averse to present or future real world responsibilities, this will only make your inevitable transition more difficult, so learn to deal with the real world.
Genital (63%) you appear to have a progressive and openminded outlook on life unbeholden to regressive forces like traditional authority and convention.
Take Free Freudian Inventory Test
personality tests by

Monday, June 16, 2008

Happy Fodsie’s Day!

Greetings to all dads out there, good or bad, thin or fat. THIS IS YOUR DAY. Kanpai!

Today, I’ll talk about the BEST dad the earth has ever known. My dad of course. I’m pretty sure you’d think of the same thing about your dad but on THIS blog, Fodsie is the BEST FATHER ever!

Teehee I call him Fodsie, it’s my pet name for him hehehe. It started when I was a LOT younger when I realized “daddy” is plain and boring so I decided to call him “Fodi” (pronounced as Fowdee). It’s MY slang term for “father”. Then it evolved to “Fodi Dodi” (Fido Dido influence hehehe), later to “Fodsie Dodsie”, to “Fofodsie”… and I don’t know what’ll be next.

I call my mom Momonji while I call ALL my siblings PANGET hehehe.

Oh yeah, this space is all about Fodsie…

A lot of people think I look so much like my dad. When I was young, I didn’t like the idea. I’ve always thought my mom has better physical features, which will forever be the truth, and it felt unfair that I’m the only one among my siblings who has the pure “Madarang” features. I’ve always felt that the Alvarez genes should be dominant in my blood. But I started to accept the idea (and love it) when I started to understand how GREAT my dad is.

I experienced a time in my life when my dad is not around. He worked in Kingdom of Saudi Arabia before and we (family) all felt the loneliness and incompleteness. The parting at the airport always felt so heavy even for a young mind like me. SOMETIMES I felt selfishly thankful for the Gulf War or else my dad would still be working in Saudi. When he came back for good, I started to know more about my dad and started to feel proud.

He took the role of preparing our breakfast before going to work. On weekdays, he helps my mom with the laundry and cooking. When we (siblings) were still studying, he helped us in our studies on areas that we had difficulties. I remember, back in our high school days, we lined up for a tutorial/homework session every night. While my mother managed the household and took the role of a disciplinarian, he was our spoiler. He may not be able to provide luxury but he did everything to provide our needs. We managed and continue to survive. He did well. I still depend on him (and on my mom), it can’t be helped but I’m doing my best to return everything.

There are so many things I want that I don’t and may never have, but I’ll always be thankful for a GREAT father like Fodsie. HAPPY DAD’s DAY FODSIE!

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Off to 7th Toycon

In a few minutes I'll be off to toycon, I'm just finishing some downloads here at Shangri-la... I'll be seeing otaku friends again. I'm not expecting much on the event, but I hope I'd see familiar faces and hopefully I can buy something worth it hehehe... It may take while before I can post pics and outcome of the event since I don't have a 24/7 access to the net.

Minna-san, tanoshin desu ne!

Saturday, June 14, 2008


Sisig is a Kapampangan term which means "to snack on something sour". It usually refers to fruits, often unripe or half-ripe, sometimes dipped in salt and vinegar. It also refers to a method of preparing fish and meat, especially pork which is marinatedin a sour liquid such as lemon juice or vinegar, then seasoned with salt, pepper and other spices.

Sisig as is popularly known today is actually sizzling sisig, a Philippine dish made from parts of pig’s head, liver and usually seasoned with kalamansi and chili peppers

I just had my lunch. My mom asked Ivy to buy sisig from plaza and I was really surprised that there was actually an eatery here that sells it. This was actually my first time that I’m gonna eat sisig in my home. My mom doesn’t cook it. I’ve always had it at Dencio’s or Padi’s Point with my friends and no we never take it out.

We were excited to taste it. Yummmmm!

Suddenly my priest uncle texted my mom saying that he’ll take his lunch here. Whoops, that was a dilemma. It was unexpected. The food would not be enough. So in the end my mom and Fr. Caloy ate their lunch at Chowking.

I find it really funny, because we were really excited like it’s the first time to taste it. But I was thankful. I could tell the meal is FULL of CHOLESTEROL which is really bad for my HBP mom. But it was really good hehehe. Now that’s one perk of being young. You’re not restricted on things like this hehehe. Mmmmmm!

Friday, June 13, 2008

Anicon nostalgia

Part of my daily routine at home is looking, savoring and caressing my anime collection. Kinda weird but I never seem to get tired of looking at them. This is what you call avarice (BAD!). Anyway, this morning I was looking at a manga called Imadoki (vol. 3) by Watase Yuu and I noticed something that caught my attention and memories.
This is a Watase-sensei’s free talk. Free talk is a column in tankoubons where authors talk about random stuff, usually embedded in between chapters. I find it surprising that I get to notice something important just now when I bought this manga 6 years ago. If you know how to read katakana and hiragana and look closely at the image, you’d know that the mangaka is actually talking about her experience with the Filipino fans at the Anime Explosion 2000. Yes! The Very first anime convention held in the country. And there it goes, nostalgia filled the air.

I can’t read kanji and I know very little of Nihongo so I don’t really understand the whole free talk. But the thing is, the first Philippine Anime Convention made its way on the manga pages is really amazing (at least for a simpleton like me). I even downloaded the manga scanlations, unfortunately this page was not translated…

Anime Explosion 2000 was held November 3-5, 2000, the height of Fusigi Yuugu and Ruroken popularity. I wonder why Watase-sensei said in the free talk it’s 11/4-6/2000, I’m pretty sure Japan is just an hour ahead our time. But I knew all about the event beforehand because my cousin, Van, was actually working with ACPI at that time. I remember how excited I was every time I’d get updates from him. The sad thing is, I never made it to the meet and greet (with the mangaka and anime directors) part of the convention because I had class. I was able to attend at the last day and missed the cosplay and panel forums. The good thing about it was I went thru without paying for the entrance fee and was able to get enough freebies because of my cousin. Too bad I haven’t had a camera at that time. It was also the age of Nokia 3210, what can you expect? I don’t have any friends with me that time too, but for some reason, the event felt more lively than the ones I’ve attended the recent years and months… being a newbie is really something and besides, we’re talking about the FIRST ANICON here.

Have a sweet Friday the 13th everyone (“,x)

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Survey #3: Randomness...

I think I'll be filling my blog with surveys heheehe... this one's from Kim

1.Spell your name as it sounds.
♣ keeed

2. Are you available?
♣ hell yeah!

3. current song ur listening to?
♣ it's quiet

4. Favorite color? (s)
♣ black

3. Does your home have a bookcase?
♣ yep

1. Have you been to Laguna?
♣ yes

2. Have you ever gone fishing?
♣ yes, but it was never successful

3. Have you ever seen a celebrity?
♣ yes

4. Have you ever been on a motorcycle?
♣ yes

1. How much money do you have on youright now?
♣ I don't have much, but I have enough =)

2. How many jobs have you had?
♣millions! hahaha

4. How tall are you?
♣ 5'

1. Last person to call you?
♣ dindee

2. Last word you shout out loud?
♣ ahoy!

3. When's the last time you ateMcDonald's?
♣ last saturday

4. The last thing you bought?
♣ bday card

5. Last person you saw?
♣ my dad

6. Last time you cried?
♣ loooong time ago

7. Last time you laughed?
♣ yesterday

1. What is the temperature outside?
♣ prolly 24C
2. What time did you wake up?
♣ 5am

44. Do you have a best friend?
♣ you can say that

46. What did you do two days ago?
♣ she's far away

49. Is your birthday coming up?
♣ nope
53. Where were you at 3:02 AM thismorning?
♣ bed
61. What are your plans for thisweekend?
♣ attend toycon and the rest will follow hehe

64. Coke or Pepsi?
♣ coke forever

66. What do you dislike at the moment?
♣ so many things... wishful thinking

67. What did you dream about lastnight?
♣ ala nga bad trip

68. What's the last TV show youwatched?
♣ kiniro no corda

69. What is your favorite piece ofjewelry?
♣ none

72. Are you on any medication?
♣ sorta...

73. Have you ever cut your own hair?
♣ yeah, very little though

74. What is your favorite frozen treat?
♣ ice cream

76. Where's your favorite place to be?
♣ home. manila. japan

78. Who was your last text from?
♣ aris

79. Do you care what people think aboutyou?

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Survey #2: The First 13 Songs

This one is from Kath. List the first 13 songs you ca think of right now. Then answer the questions below.

1. Dive To Blue
2. Raison D'etre
3. Komm Susser Tod
4. 4 Seasons of Loneliness
5. Summer of '69
6. Dance Inside
7. Talk Shows on Mute
8. Dreams
9. In My Life
10. Nakayoshi
11. Brand New Breeze
13. Kimi Ni Fureru Dakede

1.)who do u remember when u hear no. 4?
♥ ack!!! next question onegai!

2.)does no.8 make u happy?
♥ YES!!! Very!

3.)has no. 3 made u cry?
♥ Yes, it's my funeral song hehe

4.)in what occasion did you hear no. 9?
♥ I hear it randomly when I'm working on my laptop

5.)do u miss no.10?
♥ No I have it in my cel, I always listen to it beofore I sleep =)

6.)which lyrics do u like the best from?
♥ summer of '69

7.)do u imagine something when u hearno.2?
♥ YEAH!!! nostalgic

8.)who do u remember when u hear no. 6?
♥ Si Diego haha... I got it from his site kasi..

9.)when was the last time u heard no. 11?
♥ just now

10.)how about no.8?
♥ a while ago

11.)do u often sing no.1?
♥ I used to...

12.)have u sung no.7 to anyone?
♥ NO

13.)does no. 10 inspire ur life?

14.)does no. 05 show how you truly feel?
♥ YES!

15.)what do u feel wen u hear no.7?
♥ neutral. Basta I like the song

16.)do u smile when u hear no 12?

17.)when was the first time u heard no.1?
♥ OMG, 6 yrs ago hahaha

18.)if u could dedicate no. 9 to someone,who would it be?
♥ a lot of people

20.)does no. 7 mean a lot to u?
♥ Yes, I remember HXH manga whenever I hear it

21.)what's so special about no 10?
♥ something I can't thing, I remember scene from Honey & Clover hehehe

22.)would u sing no.11 to anyone? to who?
♥ I dunno... haven't checked translation hehehe

23.)does no.8 remind u of someone?
♥ Myself (",x)

24.)what memory comes to ur mind when uhear no.5?
♥ My memories... best days of my life

25.)do u want to hear no 12 right now?
♥ yes

26.)can u remember clearly the first time u heard no 13?
♥ YES! the start of 3rd season of Ruroken =)

Survey #1 Are You That Somebody?

It's been a while since I've answered those little, cute and fun surveys posted at Friendster Bulletin. I have my reason but I'll never post my answered surveys at Friendster, but I love answering them so I'll just post it here hehehe...

This one is from Kim...

The "Had To" Section
1. If you HAD to get a tattoo, where would you want it?
>>>>upper right part of my back

2. If you HAD to dye your hair which color would you choose?
>>>>>i'm pretty satisfied with black, I can dye it anytime anyway

3. If you HAD to get a piercing (THAT ISN'T YOUR EARS) what would you pierce?:
>>>>>still in the ears, I have one at the left cartilaginous part

4. If you HAD to change your name, what new name would you choose?

The "Would You" Section
1. If you could go bungee jumping, would you?:
>>>>>yeah, easy to say but I don't really have the guts hehehe

2. Would you move somewhere else, if you could?:
>>>>>>maybe... if only for call of duty

3. If you were given the chance to go to Paris, would you go?:
>>>>> as long as it's free

4. If you found 10 million dollars, andit was YOURS to spend, what would you do with it?:
>>>>I'll go to Japan. I'll buy my own house

The "Let's Say" Questions.

1. Only 1 person has a chance to survive. The 3 people on the ship are Your Best Friend, Your Boyfriend/Girlfriend, and a long lost friend (that you don't know too well). Who would you save if you HAD to choose ONLY 1 person?:
>>>>> I hate these kind of questions, so unfair. Well, in all honesty it'd be the person I love the most

2. Let's say you became President,what is the first thing you would do?
>>>>>>One helluva question, it's not easy to be a president. On my first day as a president I will relax, definitely after that day I'll never find a time to do that hehehe

3. Lets say you had to eat a live tarantula for $1,000. would you ?:
>>>>>exotic food is not my thing, besides, it's so environment unfriendly

4. Let's say you could star in any movie (made or in the works) what movie?:
>>>>>back to the future

The "Favorites" Section
1. color/s?:
>>>>black (as always)

2. current song?:
>>>>>brand new breeze by Kanon

3. shirt you own?:
>>>>>The NERV shirt
4. electronic device?:
>>>>>my laptop

5. movie?:
>>>>>see my friendster profile

6. book?:
>>>>>see my friendster profile

7. pair of shoes?:

8. sandal color?:
>>>>>>I have none, and no I don't like them

9. hair color?:
>>>>>>see my answer on #2 HAD TO section

10. eye color?:
>>>>>>bluish gray

The "Other Stuff" Section
1. what makes your bedroom unique?:
>>>>>I don't have a bedroom, that's unique!

2. Who do you like?
>>>>> alot

3. Do you go to parks?:

4. what's your favorite season of the year?
>>>>I prefer rainy =)

5. Do you like cheese?:
>>>>> who doesn't?!?!
6. What's bothering you now?:
>>>>>oh so many things...


I’ve read this hate letter of an American to Filipinos early this morning. I was really disgusted! While some of what he claims is true, I find it really pitiful and infuriating that some people like Mr. Art Bell doesn’t see the other parts of the world as they trully are. This is gonna be a long read but definitely worth your time…

Please take time to read this, most especially the bottom part, PATRICIA EVANGELISTA' s (19 year old Filipina) speech that won in a WORLD competition in London. This is a hate letter coming from a radio talk show host Mr. Art Bell from Nevada. I don't consider myself as patriotic but please read my reply below in BOLD LETTERS and send this to as many of your friends as possible until it reaches him.


This is an open letter email by Art Bell, a radio talk show host in Nevada (more info in the email itself).Here is yet another person who has taken; advantage of his power and privilege to use hateful words and racial stereotypes that breed further ignorance and intolerance in our society..
Art Bell is a talk radio host who has two shows that he broadcasts from his home in Nevada , that is rebroadcast by 400 stations across the country.

He's written 2 books. He lived in Okinawa , Japan for some years and had a radio program on the English station here. And, though it's hard to believe after reading the following letter from him, he actually has been to the Philippines (he's traveled fairly extensively around the world).

Check out his website listed at the end to get a glimpse at this fool who's spreading this hateful ignorance. And check his wife as well… This letter is so degrading, I think it's really important that everybody read this and not attack him, but respond to him in a civilized manner because otherwise his thoughts will be reaffirmed. Understand that not everyone has a viewpoint like we do, and that this is an opinion of someone who hopefully can be changed only by civil actions.

Filipinos... *make me puke* (Art Bell)

As we've all come to notice, in the past few decades, Filipinos have begun to infest the United States like some sort of disease. Their extensive involvement in the U.S. Armed Forces is proof of the trashy kind of qualities all Filipinos tend to exhibit on a regular basis. You can see this clearly by studying the attitudes and cultural Icons of most Filipino Americans.

Origins of Pinoys/Pinays:
Are they really Asian? Well we've come to accept the fact the Filipinos come from a part of the world known as South East Asia . But the term " Asia " is used in the wrong way. You may notice that contemporary Filipino Americans try very hard to associate themselves with groups that we know as Asian. I cannot count the number of times I have seen a ' Third World ' Filipino try to connect themselves to the Chinese or Japanese people. There is no connection and here's why. The Philippines is a Third World country. Nothing respectable has EVER been created by Filipino people during our entire human history. Young Filipino men in America have become obsessed with "import racing". They have an enormously perverted affection for Japanese cars. It's a common phenomenon. In their minds, these Filipinos somehow believe that they are Asian and that it somehow connects them to Japanese people and Japanese cars. They often take credit for the ingenuity of Japanese people and say how it's an "Asian thing". This term..."Asian thing" derived directly from African American slang "black thang". "It's a black thang." "It's an Asian thang." You can see the connection. It's even funnier that, in Japan, Filipinos are heavily discriminated against. The only Filipinos that can live successfully in Japan are the Filipino prostitutes. But that's the case for most Filipino people no matter where they live in the e world. Now we've come down to this fact...and it is a fact. Nothing in Filipino Culture can be seen as Asian. They have no architectural, artistic, or cultural influence which is in ANY way, Asian. Thinking of the great countries in Asia such as Japan , Korea , and China there is no way you can possibly connect the Philippine Islands. This assault by Filipino Americans to connect themselves with the great peoples of North East Asia is foul and disgusting. Try visiting a young Filipino's web site too. You'll see something called the "Asian IRC Ring". It has to do with the chatrooms. The most horrible thing about this is that these TRASHY people are trying to associate themselves with Asia again!! People in Asia don't act like this at all. What we are seeing here is the natural Filipino in its element with full access to technology and this is how they act! You will
consistently see this behavior over and over again. Another interest ing thing is that these "thirdworld" people also frequent RC chatrooms such as #Chinese # Japan and #Asian. They must believe that they are somehow related racially or culturally to North Asians. But it's completely WRONG! There might have been some distant contact With China and even less with Japan during World War II, but these people are actually more closely related to African Americans and Mexican Americans. Do the parents of these young Filipinos know what's going on? Would they accept this? I believe that they would and do. This is the natural "Trash" element in Filipinos manifesting itself. Nothing good has ever come from Philippines and I don't believe anything good ever will.

Recognizing your Roots (A Message to Filipinos). To all Filipino people:

Please recognize your ROOTS! You come from the Third World ! You country is a disgusting and filthy place. Most people there live in poverty! Your culture has MUCH MORE SPANISH influence than Chinese, and absolutely no JAPANESE influence whatsoever. People in Japan and China , d o not act like you. They do not constantly talk about sex and they have a MUCH HIGHER level of RESPECT for each other. There is NO WAY that you can connect yourself to Asia other than location. Your culture and technological advancement does no! the even come CLOSE to What Chinese, people have done in the past and what Japanese and Korean people are doing now! Everything you do is distinctly Filipino. You cannot take credit for Japanese cars, video games, or Hentai! It's not an "Asian thing" it's an "American thing". You have no concept of concept of Asian ideas or Asian philosophy! Can you demonstrate how you use Confucianism or Taoism in you everyday life?? You can't. And you will NEVER be able to. I understand that you are trying to create an identity for yourselves as young people... but it is NOT related to Asia. Your Identity is Filipino.

That's all you are.. Just Filipino. Think about what that means....


I find this funny, he is right in some ways where we, as Filipinos don't actually have an "Identity". I think this is due to the confusion of our mixed races from Hispanic, Chinese, American and Malay origins. I see it in malls, imagine young generations wearing ski caps and ski goggles in a tropical country, baggy low rise pants like that of African Americans living in the Bronx of New York, not to mention endless whitening products being sold at department stores and drug stores. But his ignorance also blinds him from the other truth. That while we may glorify Anime shows and Japanese Internet gaming, he is not aware that a nameless Filipino may be responsible for some technical aspects of some Japanese software. He is not aware of our contribution to the society in general .Technological advancements that may have aided post war navigations and landing on the moon. That the antibiotic Erythromycin was discovered by Dr. Abelardo Aguilar from Iloilo creating the brand "Ilosone". Thomas Edison may have discovered the electric light bulb and the fluorescent lighting was thought up by Nikola Tesla. But the fluorescent lamp we use today was invented by Agapito Flores (a Cebuano named Benigno Flores of Bantayan Island, according to the Philippine Daily inquirer), a Filipino scientist. Americans helped then-Philippine leader Ramon Magsaysay to develop it for worldwide commerce. That the personal physician of former U.S. Pres. Bill Clinton is Eleanor "Connie" Concepcion Mariano, a Filipina doctor who was the youngest captain in the US Navy. A Filipino writer Jose Rizal could read and write at age 2, and grew up to speak more than 20 languages, including Latin, Greek, German, French and Chinese. Or that a Filipino genius was responsible for the near hiatus in the PENTAGON and White House nearly infiltration their closely guarded secrets with the "ILOVEYOU" bug. Nuisance maybe, but still one heck of a 'beautiful mind'… not to be underestimated. The list goes on and on, but who cares right? Certainly not Mr. Art Bell...Boy, I'm not surprised. Perhaps Art Bell does not know that although we consider ourselves ASIAN because we are strategically located in the Southeast Asian region of which our nearest neighbors are Malays, ASIA does not mean only Chinese and Japanese race of people. Then maybe it is his connotation that "Asia" meant only our economically successful, paler brothers and he considers Malays such as Thais, Malaysians, Indonesians, and ourselves as a "Third World" race. Then it is "his" ignonimity that would make a civilized person of whatever race puke. Imagine literally connecting Chinese, Koreans and Japanese to the Philippine Islands which is archipelagos away from the countries he has mentioned. I also wonder where he got the impression that we aspire to be Japanese (Kid: OUCH!!!!) Hispanics maybe but not the Japanese. But even Hispanics today do not mind sharing their "surnames" to their Asian brothers who they have colonized for 3 centuries. Another sad reality that although most Filipinos working overseas are domestic helpers and prostitutes, who does he think educates the toddlers of Hong Kong , Singapore, Taiwan and Tokyo? Parents of these countries rarely have time spent with their children, leaving them to their Filipino nannies. And with regard to prostitution. Filipinos are not the only ones working as one. I HARDLY SEE FILIPINOS STARRING IN PORN MOVIES. THERE MIGHT BE A FEW FILIPINOS WE HAVEN'T SEEN, BUT MOST ARE FROM MR. ART BELL'S RACE. He also mentioned that we have no concept of concept of Asian ideas or Asian philosophy. How can we demonstrate Confucianism or Taoism in a Christian nation? IS HE INFORMED THAT THE PHILIPPINES IS THE ONLY PREDOMINANTLY CHRISTIAN/CATHOLIC NATION IN ASIA?! YOU HAVE TO USE COMMON SENSE IN A LOT OF THINGS SOMETIMES... We do not need to create an identity for ourselves. We are who we are. Our identity stems from the anonymity we live in this world.. How we contribute silently towards the progress of the world and not just one country. Although the Filipino blood may be tainted with malice, corruption, poverty and prostitution, it is not a perfect race... But so are the others. Maybe Mr. Art Bell needs to think about this.


Pinay wins it big in London
By Alfred Yuson
The Philippine Star 05/16/2004

Patricia Evangelista, a 19-year- old, Mass Communications sophomore of University of the Philippines (UP)-Diliman, did the country proud Friday night by besting 59 other student contestants from 37 countries in the 2004 International Public Speaking competition conducted by the English Speaking Union (ESU) in London ..

She triumphed over a field of exactly 60 speakers from all over the English-speaking world, including the United States, United Kingdom and Australia , reported Maranan.

The board of judges' decision was unanimous, according to contest chairman Brian Hanharan of the British broadcasting Corp. (BBC).

Patricia Evangelista

When I was little, I wanted what many Filipino children all over the country wanted. I wanted to be blond, blue-eyed, and white. I thought -- if I just wished hard enough and was good enough, I'd wake upon Christmas morning with snow outside my window and freckles across my nose! More than four centuries under western domination does that to you. I have sixteen cousins. In a couple of years, there will just be five of us left in the Philippines, the rest will have gone abroad in search of "greener pastures." It's not just an anomaly; it's a trend; the Filipino diaspora. Today, about eight million Filipinos are scattered around the world. There are t hose who disapprove of Filipinos who choose to leave. I used to. Maybe this is a natural reaction of someone who was left behind, smiling for family pictures that get emptier with each succeeding year. Desertion, I called it. My country is a land that has perpetually fought for the freedom to be itself. Our heroes offered their lives in the struggle against the Spanish, the Japanese, the Americans. To pack up and deny that identity is tantamount to spitting on that sacrifice. Or is it? I don't think so, not anymore. True, there is no denying this phenomenon, aided by the fact that what was once the other side of the world is now a twelve-hour plane ride away. But this is a borderless world, where no individual can claim to be purely from where he is now. My mother is of Chinese descent, my father is a quarter Spanish, and I call myself a pure Filipino-a hybrid of sorts resulting from a combination of cultures. Each square mile anywhere in the world is made up of people of different ethnicities, with national identities and individual personalities. Because of this, each square mile is already a microcosm of the world. In as much as this blessed spot that is England
is the world, so is my neighborhood back home. Seen this way! , the Filipino Diaspora, or any sort of dispersal of populations, is not as ominous as so many claim. It must be understood. I come from a Third World country, one that is still trying mightily to get back on its feet after many years of dictatorship. But we shall make it, given more time. Especially now, when we have thousands of eager young minds who graduate from college every year. They have skills. They need jobs. We cannot absorb them all. A borderless world presents a bigger opportunity, yet one that is not so much abandonment but an extension of identity.. Even as we take, we give back. We are the 40,000 skilled nurses who support the UK 's National Health Service. We are the quarter-of-a- million seafarers manning most of the world's commercial ships. We are your software engineers in Ireland , your construction workers in the Middle East, your doctors and caregivers in North America, and, your musical artists in London 's West End . Nationalism isn't bound by time or place. People from other nations migrate to create new nations, yet still remain essentially who they are.. British society is itself an example of a multi-cultural nation, a melting pot of races, religions, arts and cultures. We are, indeed, in a borderless world! Leaving sometimes isn't a matter of choice. It's coming back that is. The Hobbits of the shire travelled all over Middle-Earth, but they chose to come home, richer in every sense of the word. We call people like these balikbayans or the 'returnees' -- those who followed their dream, yet choose to return and share their mature talents and good fortune. In a few years, I may take advantage of whatever opportunities come my way. But I will come home. A borderless world doesn't preclude the idea of a home. I'm a Filipino, and I'll always be one. It isn't about just geography; it isn't about boundaries. It's about giving back to the country that shaped me. And that's going to be more important to me than seeing snow outside my windows on a bright Christmas morning.

Mabuhay and Thank you.

So, be proud, you are a Filipino,... and not like Mr. Art Bell....

My two cents worth…

These articles are very timely since we’ll be celebrating our 110th Independence Day. Honestly, I am guilty in so many ways on Mr. Bell’s accusations. I hail the Japanese people. I’m all about anime and manga. I love Japanese culture! I wanted to be Japanese so badly.

I don’t watch local TV shows or movies. I hardly ever watch news because I don’t care about current issues. I always criticize the Philippine government and its officials. I AM NOT a registered voter. I have the least concern about Filipinos. Maybe I don’t have the right to hate Mr. Bell, but I AM a Filipino after all and don’t blame me if I get affected by something like this. Because it is destructive and NOT constructive criticism. Something racists are very adept of.

I think there’s no way we can attain WORLD PEACE as long as we have people who think like Mr. Bell does. Sure we Filipinos have a lot of things to catch and make up. Our country is messed, drowning in poverty and corruption. But we are one helluva talented and happy people! Filipinos are all over the world working their asses to death. Despite strong discrimination, we can still walk our heads up. No other nation can laugh at their own problems like we do. We have a strong faith in GOD. We have unbreakable bond with our family and friends. We are in many ways, DIFFERENT from other nations.

Cheesy, but I always say this to my friends: I love Japan and I want to live there for a year or two or maybe even longer. But I will always choose to die here. My family is here. My friends are here. And my most precious memories were here. This is my home after all.

Monday, June 09, 2008

I just got back from Manila. I went to see my friends in MDH. I printed CD stickers in the office. I had my gift to Colleen sent through LBC shipping. But the most important thing I did was I took my toys which I temporarily stored at Aris’ place. I had them stored there when I moved back to Tanay after I resigned from the hospital. I didn’t want to take them home at first for 2 reasons.

First, I don’t want an argument with my Mom or my brother Richard. I’d always get a negative reaction from them whenever I’d buy something to add up to my collection. They find it unreasonable for me to spend much for something that is not a necessity. If only I could, I wanted to tell them:

hey this is my money,I worked hard for this
why can’t I spend it on something I really like
do you know I’m a lonely soul and these stuff are my little source of happiness,
blah blah blah
blah blah blah

But I didn’t and I won’t. I prefer to keep quiet to end it all. An argument requires “transparency“ on both parties which I’d prefer not to get into. A set of words would lead to an explanation that leads to another story and eventually would lead to another explanation. Who knows, it may never end. It’s always best to keep your mouth shut. Less words, less mistakes! Or so I thought. It’d be best for me not to let them know that I spend more on anime and toys than food and clothes hehehe.

Second reason, at that time, I didn’t want to leave Manila for good (duh like you’re going abroad?!?). I wanted to go back. I thought I need to leave something important behind to make me go back. I told myself, I’ll get another job and get another place and move them (toys) with me again.

But then I realized that I was only being emotional. For crissake I’m only 2 hours away, that with or without a job, I can always go back. And I MISS the toys I left SOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUUUUUCCCHHH!

Surprisingly, my mom knew all along that I still have some stuff left in Manila.
She asked me:
“so what are you going to do with all of this?”
And I said:
“collection. I’m an ANIME FAN and I work hard and I deserve to be pleased”
End of discussion. Teeheee…

Now they’re back to join the others. We’re one BIG family again. It’s not like I feel complete inside. But at least for now, I’m satisfied.

Saturday, June 07, 2008

on simplicity

I was looking at my blog when I noticed my archive column summarized in years. I realized that my blog is turning 4 years old by next month.

Then it hit me...

I've been a blogger for almost 4 years but I haven't made any improvements (in the blog). Although recently I changed the layout to impose a "light" ambiance, I'm still using one of the default designs which are very.... plain and simple. I used to be bothered by this premise before but I've learned to accept it.

C'mon Kid, just admit it, you're not adept at these cyber creativity things.

Yes. I accept.

Accept the shortcomings but never lose the confidence. I know I'm not a talented person. I'm just an average person. But that doesn't make me "ordinary". I have my own gift from God which I have yet to discover. Besides, I have my fans - my parents. They've always believe I excel on a lot of things. And as long as I have these people who believes, I will be proud of ME.

This blog reflects so much of me. Plain and simple (and green???). But look at the number of posts. I never realized I've written this much. Of course it's nothing compared to hardcore bloggers, but still, it's something. I may look plain and simple at first glance but I have so much inside that makes me radiant.

And yeah, I checked my older posts and I was overwhelmed by the number of typos hahaha! Everytime I'd spot an error I felt a whack on my head and made a sour face. But who cares, hey this is MY BLOG. I have the right to commit mistakes hehehe.

Have a meaningful weekend everyone (",x)

Thursday, June 05, 2008


Heya peeps! I’ve got some mouthful updates to look forward to. Sorry but for anime fans only hehehe.

June 14-15 is the 7th Philippine Toy Convention. Honestly I’m not looking forward on the event as a whole. I’m after the toy shopping and seeing my friends. I’m pretty sure it’ll be the same as the previous’. And I don’t want to waste the space with rants and criticism. I’m over it! I’m just after the toy and reunion.

Oh I forgot, there’ll be a change, the ticket price is definitely goin’ up! Now that’s very Pinoy!

Moving on, Hayao Miyazaki’s latest film Gake No Ue No Ponyo (Ponyo on the Cliff) will start showing in Japan on July 19. The present technology promised me to get a hold of it in a month or two.

This is really something to look forward to. Miyazaki films never fail to astound me.

The last Ghibli film directed by his son Goro Miyazaki, Tales of the Earthsea, was really… I’m sorry to say this, but it was way below Ghibli standards. I learned that during the production of the film, father and son were not in good terms because the father believed that the son is still not ready to direct a film. Sorry Goro-chan, I believe in your potential but I must agree with your father. Honestly, I barely remember what the film was all about. It was really hard to keep my attention on the film when I was watching it. A real “hohum”…

Let’s go back to Ponyo, the story is actually about a gold fish who wishes to be a human. It was actually inspired from the Japanese folktale Urashima Taro and Hans Christian Andersen’s Little Mermaid. The story may sound simple and the “wants to be a human” theme may be a bit overused but wait till you see it. Every Hayao Miyazaki movie is an uplifting experience. Don’t miss this masterpiece by one of the greatest director.

More on anime, the animated version of Blade of the Immortal will start airing on July 13, on Japanese TV of course. Another manga masterpiece by Hiroaki Samura. It’s about Manji, a rounin who was gifted (or rather cursed) with immortality by an 800 year old nun who infected kessen-chu into his blood. These are sacred blood worms that feed (and heal) on Manji’s wounds. Manji bargained with the nun to kill 1000 evil souls in exchange for mortality. You can expect so much gore and thought provoking plot. This manga really rocks! There are currently 22 tankoubons and the series is still ongoing. It’s been years since I’ve read the first 15 volumes and I’m currently on the 18th volume. I must admit I’ve already forgotten some details so I’m not really bothered by the anime version (IMHO, it’s not advisable to watch the anime if the manga is still “fresh” on your mind).

On the manga scene, I heard that CLAMP will do collaboration with Dark Horse Comics for a project called Mangettes. I haven’t checked the details but I’m really excited. Way to go CLAMP-sensei!

Monday, June 02, 2008

Seeing the Lighter Side of Life

Change is inevitable. Humans are versatile to change, but more often than not, we are unprepared. Because most of time, change doesn’t benefit us AT FIRST. At least for me…

I’ve been a victim of change a lot of times. I hated it. It took me some time, effort and emotional investment to get used to something, only to be taken away by something called CHANGE.

Have you ever heard the song “Constant Change” by Jose Mari Chan? I love that song. It always hits me whenever I hear it. Why oh why… couldn’t we keep time from moving on… and oftentimes when I’m about to call it home, we’d have to move along…

But all this longing for the past have to change. Little did I know that change is best enjoyed when you decide it yourself. Yes folks, I finally decide to take the turn this time. A major change for me is the healthiest decision ever made.

I don’t mean a change of style or a change in taste. It’ll be the same old me. Same old kid who LOVES anime, Japan, toys and… But this time I will THINK DIFFERENT.

A change of perspective, that is.

I’ve been staying home for the longest time ever since I went to college and it really is true when somebody says there’s no place like home. I’m learning and starting to realize day by day that there are so many things around me to be happy about. It’s not as lonely as I thought. I do have a life… here at home.

I can’t believe how such a loser I’ve been the past few years. I was always thinking of my failures and nothing but failures. I created half of my loneliness. I gave up on a lot of things. I wasted a lot of time. But this has to STOP!

It’s not like I’m dying or anything. Life is short but there are still so many things to do, to prove.

I’ll make my dreams come true. I’m gonna show everyone that I am strong. That I am a WINNER. I have to believe that I am born to win this battle.

Some people might think that I am doing nothing important right now, but I am. I have plans. For now I just want to keep this to myself. I don’t want to set any expectations. I don’t want any support this time. This will be my battle ALONE.

I don’t want to be a hypocrite and say I’m over the loneliness. It has always been there. It haunts me every now and then like a phantom shadow especially when I’m all alone. But I’ll be strong this time. I’ll get used to this again. I’ll let HIM carry it for me. It’s time to take things as light as possible. To leave behind what I don’t really have, and enjoy what I have. To enjoy life!

As I’m writing this entry, I’m listening to “Dreams” by Cranberries, and it just feels so light. From now on, I’m gonna love my life. I’m will do my best. I’ll NEVER BE A LOSER. NEVER.