Saturday, December 31, 2011

My Year-end Thoughts

Will you look at that? The year's about to end in less than 10 hours (Philippine time). It seems like only yesterday when I made my 2011 resolutions, now I have to make one for 2012. I looked at at the goals I set last year, now looking back, I'm glad I was able to keep some of them.

I was able to travel and appreciate the Philippines more. I faced my fear of getting my tooth extracted. I managed to give something for charity. I now eat more veggies than I used to (it's still not enough but it's still better than what I used to consume which is close to zero). I bought a bike recently for the purpose of exploring the town more and help me save from Trike fare for my trips to the supermarket, post office and bakery --that makes me physically more active without going to the gym. And, mind you, replacing Tricycle as my mode of transportation helps me save the planet, little by little hehehe.

But I still can't cook. I haven't really gone organic and I'm still have not save. Actually, I did save a little but it's not significant enough to be considered as an improvement. But that's life anyway. I still have 2012 and there's a big opportunity to make up.

I'll probably post my new years resolution next year. Right now, I want to look back on some of the important things that happened.

When I look back at the year that had been, I think of the important people I lost. I lost my uncle, my mother's younger brother, Kuya Al. And though we're not really that close, I can't dismiss the fact that we have close blood ties, thus, he's an important part of my life. When I think about my cousins who lost a father, his wife who lost a husband, my mom and aunts who lost a brother, his friends who lost a buddy-- I get really sad. A few months before he died, he went to the house and we had a little chat together with my younger sister. We were asking him if his son was gay and he said no, that he talked him about it, but his son said no. We joked that he probably scared my cousin, but he was serious when he said that it'll be fine with him if he is gay, that he felt deep sympathy for people who are forced to live a dishonest life to conform with the standards that society had dictated. I regret that I didn't tell him that I'm proud of him, for breaking the macho stereotype of refusing to accept the reality that there are people who are different. He was a great father and his children love him deeply. I know that he's in a better place now with my grandparents and will continue to watch the family he had left behind.

My mom lost a very dear friend who also happened to be my brother's mother-in-law. It was supposed to be an expected passing. Tita Ruby had been sick for a long time and knowing the sufferings that she had to go through over and over, it was best for her to go. But still, knowing that she'll go earlier than any one of us, it still makes no difference. I realized that nothing really prepares us from the pain of losing a loved one. She was a very generous friend to my mom and was very dear to us. It's too bad that she didn't get to see her 4th grandchild, Magnvs Rei, but I know that she looks after him now specially when he has a strong resemblance to her.

Kuya Al, Tita Ruby, we miss you, I will never forget you. When I hear the Auld Lang Syne tonight as we transition to the new year, I will think of you and all the good memories you've left behind.

2011 is not all about loss, while I mourned losing people I love, I also celebrated the coming of the newest members of the family. My cousin Butchoy's girlfriend gave birth to Clyde then my sister-in-law, May, gave birth to Magnvs Rei. These angels (including my other nieces and nephews) from God never fail to make me smile and repel the stressors that prowl me. They are the future carriers of the values and bond that that my family have nourished all these years. May they all grow up like a fine men and women that we became.

When I look back at the things that happened, the good and the bad, I feel blessed in anyway. But when I think of the year that's about to come, it's a mixture of anxiety and excitement. I worry about some scary stuff but I'm also excited for the adventures that await me. But in the end, here and now is all that matters, and right now, I just wanna enjoy the festivities.

Happy new year minna-san! (oh and be safe y'all)