Dilemma of a Lost Kid

There are so many things I want to tell, yet I can’t put them into writing
So many things I want to show yet I can put them into drawing
There are so many things I want to try yet I can’t find the time
There’s so many role I want to be, yet I can’t find me
I’m in a middle of nowhere

Haay, I’m frustrated… frustrated that despite my hard work and busy schedule I still couldn’t manage to find myself. It’s so hard when you have no idea HOW to start… I do know WHERE to start but I have no means of doing it. I’m given enough freedom but also enough restrictions. How do I put this… it was just like when Shinobu Morita’s father (Honey & Clover) was selecting a qualified person for a position in his company. Instead of a conventional job interview, he instructed his applicants to come up with a plane using raw materials inside the “interview” room. I have this enough space yet I don’t have enough materials. And I admit that I’m not that creative to use what exists. I’m just an average person after all. Of course things like this wouldn’t get me down so easily… at times like this I would always remember Tohru Honda’s (Fruits Basket) “umeboshi” philosophy… Umeboshi is a pickled plum used as a topping to onigiri (rice ball). Well for starters it’s like this: You have something great that you don’t see because it’s at your back. You could only view other people’s back, so you can see what they have that you don’t. Make’s sense eh? I have millions of philosophies on my mind which I got from watching anime and reading manga… but I have no use of putting them into tangible rewards… haay… how complicated life can get…