Resolutions and More

Okay this is my first post in 2012, this should be good! This is the post when I lay out the things I need to change and goals I need to hit for the year. I have stopped making resolutions years ago, but recently, I realized that it's important to set goals and try to be a better person, not just every year, but every possible time we could. Last year I listed some things I need to do and I'm proud to say I did accomplish some of them :)

But I'll be honest, we're now in the so called page 9 of 366 (ugh, did I just say that?) but I haven't think of anything I need to accomplish yet. Not that I feel like I'm done now, but I feel like I still have responsibility to carry out the things I failed to do. I won't talk about all of them but I'll talk about the things I pledge to do this year.

I want to cook! For real I want to learn how to cook. For many reasons, I need to learn it as soon as possible. I'm turning 29 next month, it's a shame that the only thing I'm proud of making is pancake. That's not right either, I can only do the ready to cook pancake mix and I follow a standardized recipe. When I try to mix something to spin a new flavor, the result is always -- epic fail. I tried experimenting with eggs, making all kinds of omelet, but nothing really works. Again, I'm turning 29 next month, my hidden talent refuses to reveal itself anytime soon, I think cooking is something I'd like to impress people at, especially when I started inviting friends in our house. It's no secret that I suck in any domestic chores, cooking is something that I want to improve on. I want to start going organic. I want to live healthy. I want to start bringing lunch box to work, which leads me to my next goal -- to save.

Save money that is. I think I've been promising myself that I'll start saving for the longest time, I've been working for more than 8 years now, and still no significant amount of money in the bank -sigh-. What's wrong with me? I'm a spendthrift alright, but I'd like to believe that I've let go of my splurging habit on toys. I have not purchased any action figure ever since I pledged not to. I only bought 3 music boxes and some books last year. Why is that? Oh yeah, I've gotten more decadent with food (that's why I need to start bringing lunch box dammit!) and travel.

Hear me out okay? I love money, my friends know that, but I love spending it more. I believe that if I could be happy now, I'd do it and perhaps sacrifice the future. Why deprived myself of fun so I can save when I'm not sure if I would be alive tomorrow? Don't get me wrong, I'm as healthy as a pony (I can't run like a horse okay) but you never know when the time comes. Still, I want to save! I should be able to have fun and still keep something for the future. Besides, I want to buy a car! See, that's another goal. But how to? I am very weak with temptations.. oh the malls. Just the other day, after my shift, I dropped by at Megamall to look for my sister's cellphone charger and I found out that every damn store is on sale! UGH! I was thinking, maybe I should hold all shoppings for the year and just do a one time shopping after the Holidays. I can have my own version of Black Friday without competing with other shoppers. See, I'm thinking of spending again. Okay, I'm gonna set this thing straight, I will have fun and save money. There's gotta be a way, it's an ongoing struggle, but if I get to hit my goal figure in 6 months, I will get myself a real good present. Ack! No!

Enough about monetary talks, here's something I'd like to commit myself -- I want to plant a tree. No, not just a tree, many trees. When I think of a fulfilling job, I always say to myself that I want something that would make me feel like I've done something for the society. While I can't do that with my current job, I can make time to do something helpful. There are so many short marathon runs being held to benefit something and that's good, but I want to join an activity that feels more helpful by my standard. SO, this year, I must join a plant a tree activity. I've scoured the web and I have a pretty good idea which NGO to join to. There was a time in college when I got to do this. It was a project of Bantay Kalikasan. Other foundations joined including Metrobank foundation (who granted my scholarship) so I was able to participate (at the time, it was more like an involuntary action). I can't remember much about it, but I remember an old man from one of the organizations, while planting, he showed me a rare flower that grows in the area, it reminded me of Mr. Wilson's flower (from Dennis the Menace film). I thought that was a really special discovery and it's one of those things that stays on my memory for a long time. I wanna be able to experience it again.

Another thing I wanted to do this year (and I've been putting this off for so long now by the way) is to learn Japanese. I mean like learn to be fluent. In my Facebook profile, I claimed that I know Japanese, and it's not like I'm bluffing or posing, I do know a little of it - I can read Katakana and Hiragana, I recognize few Kanji characters. I'm confident that I know more Nihongo words than somebody who has taken Nihongo 101. In fact I installed Japanese MS office, so I have the capability to write Nihongo characters using my laptop. 嘘じゃない！(Not kidding!)

If you know me, you know that I love Japan. Though the past years, I've been rather detached, picking one or 2 JFMO events to attend and immersing more on American shows and documentaries. But hey, I still love Japan to the bone, when I buy electronic products, I always choose Japanese brand. And when I get a car, I'll go for Japanese too :) I think I can intensify my Nihongo literacy whether I study formally or not, my main issue is my laziness. I'm too lazy to get things done. Now that's what I really need to work on. It's not like I don't know how to do it, but the execution is the hardest part. To commit to something is one thing, but to actually do it is another. ~sigh again~

There's definitely a lot of work to be done this year, I'll try my best to accomplish everything I set to do. God help me.

My Year-end Thoughts

Will you look at that? The year's about to end in less than 10 hours (Philippine time). It seems like only yesterday when I made my 2011 resolutions, now I have to make one for 2012. I looked at at the goals I set last year, now looking back, I'm glad I was able to keep some of them.

I was able to travel and appreciate the Philippines more. I faced my fear of getting my tooth extracted. I managed to give something for charity. I now eat more veggies than I used to (it's still not enough but it's still better than what I used to consume which is close to zero). I bought a bike recently for the purpose of exploring the town more and help me save from Trike fare for my trips to the supermarket, post office and bakery --that makes me physically more active without going to the gym. And, mind you, replacing Tricycle as my mode of transportation helps me save the planet, little by little hehehe.

But I still can't cook. I haven't really gone organic and I'm still have not save. Actually, I did save a little but it's not significant enough to be considered as an improvement. But that's life anyway. I still have 2012 and there's a big opportunity to make up.

I'll probably post my new years resolution next year. Right now, I want to look back on some of the important things that happened.

When I look back at the year that had been, I think of the important people I lost. I lost my uncle, my mother's younger brother, Kuya Al. And though we're not really that close, I can't dismiss the fact that we have close blood ties, thus, he's an important part of my life. When I think about my cousins who lost a father, his wife who lost a husband, my mom and aunts who lost a brother, his friends who lost a buddy-- I get really sad. A few months before he died, he went to the house and we had a little chat together with my younger sister. We were asking him if his son was gay and he said no, that he talked him about it, but his son said no. We joked that he probably scared my cousin, but he was serious when he said that it'll be fine with him if he is gay, that he felt deep sympathy for people who are forced to live a dishonest life to conform with the standards that society had dictated. I regret that I didn't tell him that I'm proud of him, for breaking the macho stereotype of refusing to accept the reality that there are people who are different. He was a great father and his children love him deeply. I know that he's in a better place now with my grandparents and will continue to watch the family he had left behind.

My mom lost a very dear friend who also happened to be my brother's mother-in-law. It was supposed to be an expected passing. Tita Ruby had been sick for a long time and knowing the sufferings that she had to go through over and over, it was best for her to go. But still, knowing that she'll go earlier than any one of us, it still makes no difference. I realized that nothing really prepares us from the pain of losing a loved one. She was a very generous friend to my mom and was very dear to us. It's too bad that she didn't get to see her 4th grandchild, Magnvs Rei, but I know that she looks after him now specially when he has a strong resemblance to her.

Kuya Al, Tita Ruby, we miss you, I will never forget you. When I hear the Auld Lang Syne tonight as we transition to the new year, I will think of you and all the good memories you've left behind.

2011 is not all about loss, while I mourned losing people I love, I also celebrated the coming of the newest members of the family. My cousin Butchoy's girlfriend gave birth to Clyde then my sister-in-law, May, gave birth to Magnvs Rei. These angels (including my other nieces and nephews) from God never fail to make me smile and repel the stressors that prowl me. They are the future carriers of the values and bond that that my family have nourished all these years. May they all grow up like a fine men and women that we became.

When I look back at the things that happened, the good and the bad, I feel blessed in anyway. But when I think of the year that's about to come, it's a mixture of anxiety and excitement. I worry about some scary stuff but I'm also excited for the adventures that await me. But in the end, here and now is all that matters, and right now, I just wanna enjoy the festivities.

Happy new year minna-san! (oh and be safe y'all)